Talking About My Shelf: 2015

Alice and the Fly by James Rice

November 30, 2015

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Everything Everything by Nicola Yoon

November 23, 2015

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The year's last loveliest smile

September 29, 2015

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When I was at uni my room was covered in photos. A montage of memories and a mash-up of friendship circles, nights out, gigs and camping trips. Just looking at that wall used to cheer me up as I faced a glum deadline or was missing friends who were on campuses at other ends of the country. It was only when I recently transferred our holiday pics to my computer that I realised with a strange feeling of guilt that my initial reaction to dumping the files onto my Desktop was to then do a bulk upload to Facebook and create a new album. Not entirely a bad thing, Facebook has become the place where we dip in and out of each other’s lives with a swipe of the finger or a double tap. Much better than an after-dinner slideshow presentation of various angles of cactus plants or our beach buggy road trip.

But still.

I would rather my first reaction to be to order prints to be delivered, archive them in a real touchy-feely, chunky album. Have it for years to come on a shelf for a rainy Tuesday evening, to leaf through actual photographs with inky scrawled writing on the back with names, dates, places and exclamation marks. My parents’ house is teeming with photos, their kitchen door is our wall of fame, from first steps and fancy dress, to graduation, barbeques and birthdays. Each photo competing for space but each face beaming or squinting into the sunlight, sometimes blurry where one of us moved before the camera had snapped. Christmas jumpers and corduroys, dungarees and baggy hoodies, wetsuits and Easter bonnets, mark our family’s history and I love soaking it in whenever I’m home.

In those years down the lane I want my future children to inherit tomes of our travels and have that shared experience of crowding around a sofa and laughing at haircuts and board shorts. I don’t want them to inherit passwords and security questions and number of likes.

So that’s that. I’ve ordered prints and I’m making an album and I’ve made myself a little oath to not rely on a digital wall but to actually make these happy times and small moments of blissful light actual real physical things, on bookshelves and mantelpieces.

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8 reasons narwhals are my favourite animal

July 26, 2015

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Butterfly ball gowns

July 24, 2015

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Not just attending

July 22, 2015

I will readily hold up my hand and admit to stuffing headphones on and traipsing the walk to work oblivious of the world around me. Dodging traffic and careening cyclists, work men, mums with pushchairs and dogs sniffing at lampposts. I just hit the play button and get in my groove and off I go. Which is all well and good when you have somewhere to be but sometimes I’m aware that I can do it in company too. I don’t mean listening to music, I just mean switching off, disconnecting in some way. Thinking of other chores I should be doing, that bill that needs paying, those birthday cards I should send, that lasagna that needs defrosting, the to-do list sat on my desk at work.

Usually when I’m getting ready in the morning my brain is telling me the next three steps that are coming up ahead of time, “Shoes are upstairs in the basket, while you’re there grab your phone and bring your glass of water downstairs so you don’t have to go back up.” All this while the news is going on, Jemima is running around and my other half is trying to wolf down the scalding coffee I’ve just made.

This is fine. Thinking ahead is fine. Showing up is fine. But when, at the end of the day you’re sat on the sofa watching True Detective and your mind won’t stop racing and thinking of eleven other things, it might be good to just mentally hit pause on those thoughts. Not in a forever sense, just in a “I’ll pop back in a bit when I have a clearer head” way.

I think meditation might be the route to finding a pausing place, I used to do it quite a bit at uni (a hang-on from a school that thought meditation would keep us calm for exams - it did) if anyone has any suggestions I’d love to hear them!

I guess what I’m trying to say is I want to be as present as possible. I want to be able to sit down with a friend and devote my entire time to them and really engage in the precious moments we have together. I don’t want to just make the right noises and head movements while a million other things compete for my attention. I want to be able to take mental snapshots and treasure our conversations, to learn from others and grow more fully aware of all life's little surprises and details. So from now on I am setting out to be more present. In the moment, ditching the scrolling phone screen and other distractions and just getting stuck in.

Artwork by the fantastic X. Lan.

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Guest post: Jemima

July 21, 2015

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In my bag

Reading July 16, 2015

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The Opposite of Loneliness: Essays and Stories

Review July 14, 2015

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New addition

Missy Laneous July 13, 2015

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"I cannot sleep unless I am surrounded by books." – Jorge Luis Borges

Review July 12, 2015

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On Caitlyn Jenner

Missy Laneous June 02, 2015

It's about to get a bit deep.

I don't normally write things like this but transgender issues have been in the news a lot recently and I am passionate about equality for all. I'm so pleased that the general vibe seems to be of acceptance towards Bruce Jenner as he became Caitlyn.

Growing up my parents taught me that our bodies are just coats, precious coats to be looked after, but coats all the same. Our soul is what is inside us that makes us special and it's our souls that we take with us when the day comes for us to take our coats off.

I think everyone has the right to wear a coat that fits, even if it means adjusting it. Seeing Caitlyn Jenner make such a brave step for the transgender community and so publicly express her desire to be acknowledged as Caitlyn and to drop the male pronouns, adopting female she/her pronouns is admirable and to be applauded. I'm fortunate that the body I was born into fits and I fully acknowledge that those less fortunate, either through disabilities or abnormalities may feel frustrated at this metaphor. But for what it's worth I do believe that we should all have the chance at a happy life and hopefully medical technologies can continue to make progress to enable those with disabilities to also make alterations.

Having someone in the public eye make such a statement whilst being backed by one of the most recognisable media brands in the world is a testament to how our society has come leaps and bounds from past prejudices. Programmes like Transparent making waves at the Golden Globe Awards and Louis Theroux's Transgender Kids have brought the once taboo topic of gender identity out into the open. Obviously there are still obstacles and hurdles for people to navigate as transphobia, homophobia, Islamophobia and many other phobias continue to exist but it does stand to reason that this display of courage is a solid reflection of the growing trend of tolerance and a celebration of diversity.

I hope that makes sense? It's my two cents and it's completely fine if it's not yours.
Thanks for reading x

Louis Theroux: Transgender Kids

Golden Globe winning Transparent

Caitlyn Jenner

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The Bees by Laline Paull

Review June 02, 2015

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The Shock of the Fall by Nathan Filer

May 20, 2015

I have said for quite a while now that I am growing tired of unreliable narrators. But Nathan Filer’s The Shock of the Fall was originally published in 2013 so I’m just going to sweep on past my initial judgement and crack on with the show.

I do tend to spend most of my time reading manuscripts that are not yet books, they are mostly formed and have been plopped into my inbox by either a colleague or a literary agent like a stork delivering a tiny human. For this reason I sometimes unwittingly fail to read books that are in the charts or published by other houses (unless it’s YA in which case I will always find time to stave my hunger for YA goodness). Every so often I have a mini marathon and race through books to catch up on titles that I have missed. The Shock of the Fall is definitely one of those titles, although it was the Costa Book of the Year 2013, I hadn't had time to wedge it into my reading pile until now.

It took me all of a day and a half to read, I whizzed through it like a Grand National champ.

Matt, the protagonist is in therapy, for what, or for how long, you don’t know. As the words tumble on to the page, more layers of the complex nature of Matt’s psyche begin to form and the vulnerable and chaotic world of a patient living with diagnosed schizophrenia develops into a clearer image of a young man broken by grief.

Matt was a bright young boy who looked up to his big brother Simon. Inseparable and co-dependent, the boys were separated by only a couple of years and an extra chromosome. Simon had Down’s Syndrome and had a fatal accident on a family holiday. A child shaken by guilt and struggling to wrap his mind around the concept of loss, Matt develops behavioral problems that hint at an undercurrent of mental health issues which in turn leads to a life punctuated by therapy and involuntary hospital admissions.

The Shock of the Fall is by no means a light read, yet surprisingly it is hard to slow the pace. The disjointed narrative is admirable, brave, rhythmic, cyclical and repetitive. An insight into the struggles for both families and patients living with mental health issues, with a broader look at how cuts to mental health units and the NHS has a direct impact on patients that would otherwise slip through the net without a diagnosis. Nathan Filer's examination of the redefinition of a family clinging to each other through the storm of the death of a child is both sensitive and delicately placed.

If I could give this book six stars on Goodreads, I would.

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The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton

May 18, 2015

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The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

May 18, 2015

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May 13, 2015

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April 20, 2015

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In which I watch a documentary and kick-off

March 31, 2015

When I was a kid I wanted to be a dolphin trainer (this was right after I wanted to be a dog and before I learnt the word paleontologist). I had dreams of being best buds with a dolphin and teaching it cool tricks and generally hanging out in a pool. I wanted to go to Florida so badly and luckily my parents didn't give in "you really won't like it" they'd volley back at me each time I made my case. I felt duped but looking back I realise how well they knew me, that flying 4300 miles to see a seven year old lose her cool would not be worth their time. I would have hated it. I would have hated seeing an animal forced into performances, surrounded by glass and so far from home. It would have upset me and they knew that well ahead of my seven year old brain wrapping itself around the idea of a bigger picture.

A few years ago a whale washed up at home. I'd been out on the boat and the shipping news was warning us all to keep a look out. The carcass had floated into the channel and could do serious damage to a vessel. I looked out for it all day but didn't see it. It wasn't until early evening that my uncle tooted his horn outside our house and gave me a lift down to the beach to see it. It was an 80 foot fin whale and by the time we got down to the shore a big crowd had gathered. There was a sense of sadness that this whale had separated from its pod (apparently that's how whales choose to go, pretty poetic I think) but at least it was still in the water. It died out at sea not in a tank or being transported somewhere strange.

As a whole I think we instinctively feel the need to involve ourselves in the natural world. We assume that because we have evolved we should alter the paths of other creatures, regardless of their own evolutionary journey. We feel the urge to meddle. We feel the need to be entertained and flirt with the idea that we have nature's best intentions at heart when really all we want to see is an animal perform.We feel compelled to do something. step in, save it, interfere and disrupt. But what if we took a step back, foot off the pedal, big breath in and just let it go? The world would still spin. The ecosystems would balance out as they always have done and this pantomime of wild souls cooped up in pools barely big enough to dive in would be over. As humans we assume an entitlement and dress it up as conservation. Conservation would be justly displayed in the wild, if nature was given a respectful distance, responsible fishing was enforced more heavily, conscious waste disposal was monitored and ethical offshore drilling was restricted. There are some brilliant people out there championing good conservation projects, giving nature the space it deserves and mindfully helping to restore habitats. I'm not looking at them, I'm looking at the parks and attractions that will swear to you it's all in the name of conservation and research, while a whale soaks the front row.

Yes, it's possible some creatures would become extinct, but don't we all? Evolution is based on extinction, the founding block of life's cycle is the death of a predecessor. I refuse to accept that killer whales and other animals are surviving purely because they are in captivity. They would survive without our intervention.

We're the problem, we are not the solution.

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Goya

March 25, 2015

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The approachable revolution

March 24, 2015

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Review: Church of Marvels by Leslie Parry

Review March 24, 2015

This novel lives up to its name in every possible way. I know it's only March but this is already a firm favourite of books being published this year. Leslie Parry brings to life the dark underworld of New York city, from boxing fights in the dockyards, the opium dens of the bored and addicted to the state asylums.

Four main characters push the plot forward, twins Odile and Isabelle Church, heartbroken heroine Alphie and our underestimated hero Sylvan.

Odile and Isabelle have been brought up as performers in their mother's sideshow on Coney Island, The Church of Marvels, drawing tourists in from all over New York to be entertained and impressed by their contortionist, tiger taming and sword swallowing skills. But when a tragedy hits the cast of the spectaculor show, their lives are ripped apart. Isabelle leaves home and only months later does Odile receive a cryptic letter that leads her to believe that her beloved twin is in danger...

Sylvan Threadgill makes his money cleaning up New York's stinking filth, working night shifts and bare knuckle fighting to earn extra cash. One night he hears a newborn baby crying for help and he just can't ignore it...

Alphie found love in the least likely place. She makes a living down in the dockyards fixing the faces of drunks and dragon chasers. She meets Anthony and all her dreams come true as he takes her away from the docks and makes a respectable woman out of her. At least, until her secret is revealed and she is thrown into the lunatic asylum across the river...

I absolutely adored this novel. Beyond the world building of New York in 1895, circus entertainers, seedy establishments and underhand dealings, imprisonment and adventure, Leslie also makes the brave move of tackling some very tricky issues regarding gender identity, homophobia, hysteria, social hierarchies, drug addiction, abandonment and abuse. All of the characters are expertly developed, their voices are believable and above all else, dignified.

Church of Marvels had me enraptured in its smoky haze and I would definitely recommend a visit.

Church of Marvels is released in June.

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Banana-rama

March 20, 2015

I am guilty of buying fruit with the good intention of being a super human-being and eating lots of fruit every day. Most of the time this is a success but usually a lone satsuma or banana is left in the bowl, all lonely and wrinkly like a jilted Miss Havisham. Last week there were two bananas that neither myself or the drummer wanted to risk taking to work for fear of bag-smush, the inevitable disaster for soft-fruit bearing commuters.

Along came my genius plan to make banana bread. I should warn you that I am incredibly new to baking (five steps before novice), having never really had my own kitchen to make a mess of and generally turn upside down while I frantically use every available kitchen appliance. I was very excited and keen to get started so as soon as I got home from work I set to it. I followed a recipe from http://www.simplyrecipes.com/ - the ingredients used and recipe is below but you can view the original source here.

Ingredients

2-3 very ripe bananas, peeled
1/3 cup melted butter
1 cup of sugar (can easily use 3/4 cup, or drop it down to 1/2 cup if you want it less sweet)
1 egg, beaten
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon baking soda
Pinch of salt
1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour

Recipe

Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C), and butter a 4x8-inch loaf pan.
In a mixing bowl, mash the ripe bananas with a fork until smooth. Stir the melted butter into the mashed bananas.

Mix in the baking soda and salt. Stir in the sugar, beaten egg, and vanilla extract. Mix in the flour.
Pour the batter into your prepared loaf pan. Bake for 1 hour to 1 hour 10 minutes (check at 50 minutes) at 350°F (175°C), or until a tester inserted into the center comes out clean.

Remove from oven and cool completely on a rack. Remove the banana bread from the pan. Slice and serve. (A bread knife helps to make slices that aren't crumbly.)

Admittedly the first attempt had a bright future until I decided that I could multitask and watch the finale of American Horror Story whilst baking.

Note: best not to get engrossed in Jessica Lange’s on screen meltdown as she obviously doesn't care about your baking escapades.

I came back into the kitchen to find my first masterpiece had risen like Frankenstein’s monster into a charcoal bread rather than the banana goodness I was hoping for. Sadly photographic evidence is not available as I channeled Bake-Off's Iain and was quick to recreate Bingate.

The second attempt was much more successful, I shunned American Horror Story and instead kept my beady eye on the oven. I have always laughed at those people with their bums in the air on The Great British Bake-off staring at their creations and willing their baked goods to reach that optimum golden brown heavenly state.